Shameful

1. You’ve got a friend:: Really? Lucky me
   
2. Immigration:: Cueue
   
3. Waitress:: Where-the-hell-is-she?
   
4. Snickers:: Mommy
   
5. Recognize:: Yourself
   
6. Concept:: Physics
   
7. Birthday:: Paaaarty
   
8. Told you so:: Hah!
   
9. Unlikely:: Sunshine&Warmth
   
10. Extension:: Just this once...yes?
    

Randomness around the table

1. Dirty work:: Beureaucrats
   
2. Shopkeeper:: Earnie
   
3. Goodness:: Cherry Pie
   
4. Yearning:: For...
   
5. Show and tell:: Kids
   
6. Trapped:: Caged Bird
   
7. Malcolm:: X
   
8. Season:: -al Depression...yes?
   
9. Bestseller:: Da Vinci Code (why again?)
   
10. Desk:: Wobbly
    

Card game

4 of the Trinis playing cards around the livingroom table; nice, mellow vibe- first in so long. MaHiE's dinner "lime" idea was superb...indeed it is what we all needed. In fact, i cant decide what was better, the food or the company...and that's saying a lot.

Met Laura today (well...yesterday by now!); twas such a relief to talk to her again, after so long. Too long. Who needs therapy after all that? well, i suppose we'll see about that this week. My younger half was ...ahem..intrigued at the news. Slightly odd reaction, but expected, i guess.

Feeling slightly better- though, i wish that mom would stop trying to "vitaminise" or "magnesiumise" me. Neverthless, the degree of fragmentation of my tHouGhtS/wRitiNg/etc, might make it seem less plausible. Fear not, im further away from the edge then previously.

My theme song

"Try"

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be
And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love

Maybe not for others; maybe just for some

My Friend

What's the matter my friend
Can't you tell me why
You say there's nothing on your mind
Please stop telling lies

As long as you're lying
I can't ease your mind

No sense in hiding
It's all in your eyes
No need to hide
Can't tell me lies
No sense in hiding
It's all in your eyes

Cause I ain't happy man
'till I see you smile
'till I see the spark back in your eyes
And I can tell you why

As long as you're smiling
I'll hit a high

No sense in hiding
It's all in you eyes
No need to hide
You can't tell me lies
No sense in hiding
It's all in your eyes

What's the matter baby
What's the matter baby
What's the matter now
Cause I ain't happy Unless
I see you smile
Unless I see you smile

What's the matter man
What's the matter baby
What's the matter now
Cause I ain't happy
Unless I see you smile
Unless I see you smile

In the words of Anouk

Sacrifice

Who's the one that makes you happy
Who's the one that always makes you laugh
Who's the reason you're smiling
And dragged you through these time, so rough

I was the one that made you happy
I was the one that eased the pain
But I'm the reason that you're crying now
My own tears scattered by the rain

You can sacrifice me
You can sacrifice me
You can set me free
You can be who you wanna be

Deeper than deep you took me on a trip baby
You shared your wildest dreams and more
You dare me to express my feelings to you
I never felt that need before

But suddenly you needed freedom
You felt the need to break free
You started drowning in your sorrow
You didn't wanna know I had the key

You can sacrifice me
You can sacrifice me
You can set me free
You can be who you wanna to be

You can sacrifice me, sacrifice me
You can be who you wanna
You can be who you wanna be

a little truth from my childhood

...verovatno cu malo piskiti ovih dana...

what does it take?

what does it take for one to go "mad"? and exactly how "mad", "sad", "depressed" or "angry" must one bem before they fall into such a category?

must i slit my wrists in order for others to realise that something's wrong? do i care if they know? do i care if they care? not really. maybe it would be nice to let them know that i've not been myself lately because i dont know what it means, because 'something' has finally turned me upside down and inside out, and just..well, just BECAUSE.

i want this to be over. i want to be in a place where i dont feel the way i feel here. i want to run away. but where? "home"? well, am giving that a shot next weekend...i promise to be as enthusiastic as i can...but will it be honest? i dont know. i dont care. maybe because i no longer care, ill give up on the disdain i feel about the physical location of my "home" and just focus on my family; i.e. those who make it my home.

Hint

Alright, so the quality of the poetic language used in these chain-mails is abysmal, but i guess i'm just touchy today...

To all those i "lost", or have the fear of losing, I'm sorry:

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine, but we were younger then, And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir", "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.

Hint? Yes, perhaps more so to myself, then others. Nevertheless, friendships and contact runs both ways, so a little effort could go along way. Nedostajes mi.

Diverging roads

If you were on a road to your destiny, but were forced to diverge from the ‘right’ lane, would you take a chance and just give in? In a world where life allows you to choose the path through your personal labyrinth, it sometimes takes a minute or two, or even a lifetime before you realize that you’ve taken the wrong deviation. Even then, how long is it before we realize that there is a way back? How long does it take for us to find the right way back?

I wonder if we choose the path or if the path chooses us…if we lose track once in a while, does life create ‘return lanes’ for those who simply didn’t know?

When the skies are grey and you can’t see the road ahead clearly, should you take a chance and drive in as if you knew the way, or should you always stop on the emergency lane and reflect before you act? At times however, it seems as though taking the ‘wrong’ path is not necessarily a bad idea; the landscape may be more intriguing, the roads easier to follow and even the destination may seem closer. The wrong path can sometimes even trick us into believing that it’s the true route to choose. I wonder though if the novices on the road get a second chance if they take a turn a little too early …if you don’t have a map of life on your hands, is it really your fault if you choose the lane that seems like the best route to your destination point?

If I were to choose, I too would take the road that seems more enjoyable; why not? If life is your conductor and you’re just in for the ride, why not enjoy every minute of it? What is the point of reaching your destination (or destiny) as fast as possible, if it’s all over once you’re there?

Traditions

1. Judge:: Me & I'm Gone
   
2. Detroit:: Gloomy
   
3. Hyphen:: -It-All
   
4. Get it right:: Exams
   
5. Pulsating:: Butterfies
   
6. Yoga:: Zen
   
7. Memorable:: Moments of Silence
   
8. Financial advisor:: Needed
   
9. Ten million:: Pieces
   
10. I:: Am
    

On the musings of V-Day

Righto, my feelings and thoughts about the legendary Valentine's Day are quite obvious by now, yet the tradition of commenting on it in one way or another leaves me sitting here with no time to spear, so just indulge in the preview of my contribution to this week's sex issue of the Beaver:

"Valentine’s Day: a health hazard

It seems as though “love is in the air, everywhere you look around”- yes, these are the adequately cheesy lyrics taken from John Paul Young. With Valentine’s Day impending, shops around central London are gleaming with pink and red hearts, flowers and other symbols of devotion, and on every corner there is a packaged offer tailed to suit Just You. Even online travel stores are “calling all cupids” (Expedia) to “share the love from £55” (STA Travel). Guilt-inducing questions, such as “have you booked your Valentine’s Day surprise?” (EasyJet) are targeting couples, singles and even those in between, to contribute to what has come to be known as the world’s greatest commercial health hazard. Yet little is known about the history and the dark side of this holiday.

The history (or the legend) of Valentine’s Day is possibly the best starting point for discussing why this ‘holiday’ deserves to be reconsidered. The usual misperception is that St. Valentine (a.k.a. Valentinus, Valentius, etc.) was something to the extent of a Cupid, spreading love and bonding couples. However, in truth, little is known of this man. Much historic evidence points to a priest who served in the third century in Rome under Emperor Claudius, who at the time decided that unmarried men made better soldiers, then those with families. He therefore outlawed marriage for young men altogether. This is when the furious Valentius –a hopeless romantic- decided to intervene, and to clandestinely perform marriages for amorous young couples. After discovering this traitorous secret, the Emperor immediately had Valentine arrested for the remainder of his days. Whilst in prison, he apparently fell in love with the jailor’s blind daughter, to whom he devoted himself entirely. On his execution day Valentius offered his last words on a note to his beloved one, which read “from your Valentine.” From thence on, this day has been remembered as a romantic rendezvous, rather then a symbol of despondency at an innocent man’s execution.

It is fairly obvious that this pseudo-holiday dedicated to love is perhaps the loneliest time of the year for some, but exactly how sombre is the truth? An enquiry into recent statistics and some of this week’s headlines shows that not only are singles at a greater risk of symptoms of depression, but also date rape numbers are at peak levels, and even a ‘mass suicide pact’ was on the verge of being carried out on the memorable February 14^th. To make the situation even worse, stress levels among modern couples are climaxing, as the deadline for the perfect card, the perfect gift and the perfect date is just around the corner. And this is not even mentioning the quandaries of those couples in long distance relationships, who face already face an overdose tormenting-enough feeling of loneliness and frustration; for even if they do not believe in the celebration of this occasion, the reminder of not being in the presence of the one they love for yet another day, is painful in itself.

On a different note, Valentine’s Day is that time of the year when singles are reminded of the fact that they are indeed single. Unfortunately, some take this harder then others and as a result symptoms of depression and other ‘instabilities’ are on a rise. The beautifully wrapped chocolates in the shop displays do not target only couples coming back from work, wanting to surprise their significant other with an exquisite-little-something; but also those who walk back from work drenched from head to toe, who will find an empty flat to further intensify their desolation. Both purchase the little hearts in hope of a reward or an answer; however, while the couple might cuddle up in front of each other, the single will open a bottle of wine on his/her own and eat the chocolates by him/herself, occasionally calling a friend in search of sympathy, with the usual suggestion being a ‘heavy night out.’

Evidently, the best excuse for a ‘heavy night out’ for an average group of single girls is the thought of spending V-Day alone. It is needless to say that what proceeds to happen (i.e. severe levels of inebriation) can result in serious consequences. The most vulnerable potential rape victims are to be found drinking away their sorrows with a group of friends. Statistics show that the period of two weeks around Valentine’s Day is prime time for rapists to set a target, as nightclubs and bars fill up with singles, all hoping to land a date, before it’s too late.

If the previous two cases aren’t depressing enough, a recent BBC article pointed out that a group of miserable singles in the US and Canada was persuaded to commit mass suicide as a pact on Valentine’s Day. But luckily, the ‘leader’ was arrested early enough to stop the whole drama. Now, that’s only one case among the suspected many who take St. Valentinus’s martyrdom a little too seriously.

Why then, is it that this holiday is still celebrated? Should devotion not be shown (intimately) on a daily basis, if that ‘special one’ is indeed worthy of the attention, and thus have the rest of the world spared of misery, if no such person happens to be in their lives there and then? Maybe it is worthwhile to consider some of the issues discussed in this article before running out to buy the next ‘one-day love coupon’ in the form of a hug bear, pink elephant, or that £300 meal at the Ritz…"

in the memory of...

Arthur Miller... rest in peace.

Completely random- as if that's something new...

1. Shelter:: Igloo
   
2. Karate Kid:: 1993
   
3. Andrew:: hi5 randomness
   
4. Rib:: Oberlaa Panorama Schenke
   
5. Push it:: Pull it
   
6. Creep:: TLC
   
7. Chainlink:: Cuffs
   
8. Squash:: Antisocial
   
9. No mercy:: "When I die"
   
10. Superhero:: Powerpuff Girls
    

"Love as if your heart wasn't fragile"

Lunanina's banner today had the following heading: "Love as if your heart wasn't fragile"...and i've had to ask myself the obvious questions of "why" and "how"...why, if you've been hurt, should you risk loving again, as if it was the first time? and how are you meant to love as if your heart isn't fragile, if it is? only those who haven't felt true and deep LoVe for someone and subesquently lost them can claim that their love is indefinite and their devotion absolute. For, devotion is closely related to loyalty- and those who have been betrayed in one way or another know not to trust as easily. And if you cannot commit yourself to full devotion, you cannot love to a complete extent. Well, that's the case with me at least. I wish that it were as simple as that- that you could just turn over the leaf and start all over again, but in matters of the HeaRt you cannot...and those who say that they can, are in denial or haven't ever needed to turn the pages to begin with.